This is a formal apology...

to every single girl who I secretly thought had stupid problems,
who I secretly thought how lucky you were that your biggest issue was that about some silly boy that you won't remember in ten years,
who I thought was stupid for not realizing how lucky they were...

This is an apology to every single one of you.
Why?

Because I never thought that girl would be me.

I'm sorry.
For all of us.

Yours truly,
- Lexi

As your world disassembles, better keep your head up.

Just a thought... is love simply finding a person who will put your peices back together when you're falling apart?

Today was nice. I chilled with Matt, Kelsey, Zach and Brad at Zach;s house for the entire afternoon, but came home to a hard pill to swallow. No, no one died. I just talked with Ryan tonight is all. Turns out there was a lot he wasn't telling me... and I don't blame him for not wanting to tell me. It wasn't his fault, but I realize now that he didn't leave me just because his feelings had faded, but because he was scared and very unsure. He did it to protect me...

And so you know what I did, blog? I did a very stupid, impulsive, old Alex type thing to do. I swore I'd help him. Ugh. Why do I do this to myself? I don't know. He was reluctant but I convinced him (Yes, you read that right) that maybe I could help him, despite him thinking no one can. I am such an idiot. I may just end up hurting us both again worse... but I have to try. I have to because it's in my nature and because if nothing else, I know I can help people. I've done it before and I will continue to do it for the rest of my life...

I don't know why, but I just always seem to attract broken people. Do I just give off this vibe that says "Hey! I give a fuck about your problems! Spill your guts to me!" or what? People are constantly telling me about the tragedies of their lives and giving their sad renditions of their life stories, and ending them with "Wow, I've never been so open/ told anyone that ever before." Like, really. My talent for reading people will, of course, help me in life... unless this just drags me down into depression with everyone else's problems. When did the world seem to fall on my shoulders?...

...okay, so that's pretty dramatic. But I am upset. Bare with me, here.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: The Oracle by Godsmack

And I will find out morning comes faster alone...

Although it's been a long time since I've posted, I don't really feel welcomed to the idea of writing about my life anymore. Maybe because lately things are hard...

I did it, blog. I did something I promised myself I'd never do... I got comfortable. I was nice and comfortable with Ryan for nine wonderful, happy, stable months... and then he says it: I just don't feel it anymore. So, he's gone. Out of my life for at least a long time, despite saying we'd always be friends. And me? Well, I'm left with a small but deep void that I don't know how to fill. It was no surface wound, those words; even when it heals on the surface, it'll take a long time before all the internal damage can be mended, if it ever even can. Goddamnit, I loved him.

I see him everywhere, especially at school... and when I say that, I don't mean I see him in person, I mean I see things that are reminders of him. Yeah, I know that's pretty normal, but it's still hard. I just want football season to be over already... then at least 25 reminders won't be roaming the halls in red and white jerseys every time there's a game. I hate that sport. I despise it like I have never despised anything before. If that's wrong of me, so be it, but I can't help but feel like Ryan was forced to choose between them and it wasn't me he chose... even though I promised him I'd never make him do that. Everything started going wrong after that stupid accident... (to sum it all up, Ryan sustained a mild concussion, but because he had had a severe one less than a year prior, it put him out of varsity football for at least this year, maybe more. This also applies to hockey.) I sat with him in the hospital and by the time we left, despite how scared I'd been, he had me convinced that everything was going to be okay. I wish it had just ended there, but instead it dragged out another week or two, I'm not sure before it came to a sudden screeching halt. Tuesday all was well. Thursday night it was over.

I think I've managed to get over my first break up (where I wasn't the initiator) fairly well. Brad helped me a lot. Perhaps I haven't mentioned him. He was my mentor and teacher at RAC when I started working there. He also landed me a job at the local Super Store in the bakery department, which is stressful and difficult but I like it anyway. He's been the best friend anyone could ask for, and... well, he's got feelings for me. And I think I might just return them. I wanna see where this goes, and I know he does too. The only problem is he's going away to UNB next year, he graduates in 2011. Fredericton is a two hour drive, and even though I told myself I'd never do the long distance thing again... I want to see what happens anyway. He's coming over for supper tonight, as my family is celebrating Thanksgiving a tad early.

There's so much more to say, I have so much more I want to write about so that I can remember and read about it later... but there are some things I need to take care of today before company gets here. For starters, I should take a shower so I don't sell like a barn hand when my family arrives.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: Gunnin' by Hedley (an alternate version, I think. It's a great song.)

Summer, onwards!

So yeah, school is over. Woot, survived first year of high school!

I don't know why I don' post anymore. I guess I no longer feel the need to tell the world what I'm feeling. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, and I don't particularly care.

In recent news, I read a short story in an English textbook at school the other day. It was called Flowers for Algernon, and I found it to be deeply thought provoking. I find my mind wandering back to its premise often, and I can't shake a feeling of eeriness and moral wrongfulness when I think about it. It was such a strange concept and I just... I felt upset and a bit disturbed when it ended. I won't tell you about the story, but if you want to read about it yourself , here's the Wiki page for the novel, which was based on the short story.

On a more personal note, I have recently started talking to both Zach (my ex-boyfriend from a while back) and Derrick again. I don't know why, either. Zach re-added me on Facebook and welcomed me back from Quebec (oh right, I should talk about that) via that horrible Facebook chat. Just for shits and giggles I added him to my MSN again and since then, we've been talking a couple of nights every week. I re-added Derrick to Facebook on a whim simply because I miss him. I don't know how long either of these relationships will last, though.

Speaking of relationships, I'm still with Ryan. We'll celebrate our six month mark on the seventeenth of this month, in just a few days. Also in a few days, my birthday is on the fifteenth. I'll be fifteen. Yay?

I can't stay focused on this long enough to write a proper post. Ugh. I need more sleep and less things to think about.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: Lions! by Lights

I keep tryin' cause that's what I said I would do from the start...

Hello there.

Before I tell you, reader, about anything thats actually going on in my life that's relevant, I feel the need to rant. Last week my English teacher gave out awards to her students for perfect attendance. I don't agree with this, really. It's like "Congratulations for having a stronger immune system than your classmates!" or better yet, "Congratulations for coming to school and spreading your cold with the rest of us!" Yeah, I don't think people should be awarded for that. I mean, I know that there are kids that skip school and such, but I don't think that's the majority of people. But it doesn't matter much anyway, because my English teacher is kind of an airhead. She's very nice and all, but she's not the most... consistent teacher.

Speaking of which, I was just assigned a book called The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins for my first ever real book report. Yes. I'm almost fifteen years old, and I've never written a proper book report. Is this my fault? No, I was just never assigned one. Kinda sad, but whatever. It's not the actual report I wanna talk about, it's the book. At first I found it very disturbing, like it was examining humanity in a way that made me really sad... but I've grown to like it and it's not so bad. I'm past the halfway point now and I decided to just suck it up and read it. But I was kind of taken aback when I was assigned that book by my teacher, when she'd never read it no less. Oh well, I guess... I don't really feel like talking about the book but the wikipedia article about it pretty much covers it, if you're interested.

In real life current news, I'm rather sick. I caught the bug that my whole family has had now. I was the last to get it, I woke up Wednesday morning with a mild sore throat that got worse throughout the day. By Thursday morning, it had escalated into a runny nose in addition to the sore throat, which pretty much disappeared after a while. Yesterday wasn't too bad until late in the evening when I started to get the cough. The sickness is pretty much at bay for now though, and almost all the coughing has stopped. Advil Cold and Sinus is God in a pill, I swear. I really hope I'm feeling much better tonight, because Sarah invited myself and Ryan to her cadet dance tonight and I'd really like to go. There's also the reaction from Ryan seeing me in my dress that I'll be wearing that I'll look forward to. Hehe.

Not a very coherent post but it's something. That's all I have to say I guess.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: None, I'm on the netbook sitting in my living room, half watching Fringe.

I fail at blogging AND school!

No update in a month, I'm sorry. Not that anyone really cares.

Life has been pretty good lately. I actually saw Derrick... two weekends ago? My head is still attached to my shoulders, literally and metaphorically. It was a bit of a miracle... conversation was scarce between us, but it was existent, and I even got a chuckle out of him once or twice. He seems just the same as he did when I first met him, just... I didn't see him quite the same way as I did before. It was somehow like I was meeting him again for the first time, even though I knew him. But I guess I don't anymore, so that makes sense. I'm talking myself in circles here, so I'll stop.

School is the same as usual I guess. I just got my report card and managed to bring my average up to a 90%. This was a feat for me; I was rather happy with myself for a while... until I found out that most of my friends managed to have that average too. For some reason, this made my accomplishment seem smaller with every person who got an average not even higher than mine, just the same... it was one, and I was proud, then two and then three... and I felt like what made me special was gone. I was always the smart kid growing up, and as I found my friends were just as academically adept as I was, it made me feel small and like my trait wasn't unique. Even though I realize that it's a really stuck up way to feel... I just can't shake this feeling of disappointment and failure.

It didn't help that neither of my parents expressed any praise for my, in my opinion, excellent marks... they just shrugged it off. But when my siblings get report cards, oh! How exciting! Jillian did SO well (again) and far better than I ever did at that age. Noah and Zachary have slightly above-average marks and that's great. But me? Oh. Alex got a report card. Woohoo. Sign here and it's done. I kinda feel unaccomplished...

Sorry for the complaining. I just needed to get that out I guess.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: Comatose by Skillet

The brighter I shine, the darker my shadow...

It's been a while.

Sorry I haven't posted much lately, not a lot has been happening I guess... okay, that's a lie, I've just been too lazy to post. The week before last was Metal in March and the summer-themed dance at my school. Both were a lot of fun, but since they were within two days of each other, I was awful tired the weekend following. The dance was Thursday and the show was Saturday. I had a very long sleep Saturday night and ended up only getting up at 1PM (which I thought was noon, but the stupid time change screwed me up), which was kind of disappointing. I hate sleeping in for that late, I feel like I've wasted the whole day away and half the weekend is gone. I woke up at 1PM on Sunday, so I didn't get to sleep that night until about 2AM, only to wake up five hours later to go to school. This past week was a tired one.

In more recent news, my parents have gone on vacation by themselves for the first time since before I was born (15 years, give or take), so my aunt Kelli is staying here with me and my siblings. (She's actually the one who inspired me to have a blog in the first place.) She loves to cook, so we've been eating like kings all this weekend. Last night it was salmon stuffed with mushrooms and shrimp with asparagus, brussel sprouts and rice with a creamy sauce I forgot the name of. It was AMAZING, and tonight we're having a full out turkey dinner. Yeah, she really doesn't half-ass the whole cooking thing, which is something our family isn't used to because my mom doesn't like to cook and my dad usually doesn't want to after work.

Also, the new Sobeys opened in my town, and its within walking distance of my house. Now, mom will never have an excuse for not getting groceries! Muahahaha!... *cough* So that's cool. Me and my siblings will never walk to Needs again.

Also, what the hell is a "brouhaha"? When I type muahahaha, I right click it and it's one of the spelling suggestions. And, Spell Check doesn't recognize "brussel" in brussel sprouts. WTF Spell Check? Did you suddenly become retarded?

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Days without Kelsey: 25 (Less than two weeks left!!!)
Music: I'll Make It To The Brigades - Lovehatehero

But my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles...

[insertgreetinghere]

So I was thinking the other day about how I'm easy to please. I live such a... different lifestyle. My outfits never look the same. I'm just as happy in blue jeans and cowboy boots as I am in cargo pants and a couple of tank tops, as I am in skinny jeans and a band tee with one of my four pairs of Converse. I'm just as happy listening to metal heavy enough to shake your rafters, as I am to kick back to some slow country ballad, as I am dancing my heart out to some sugar-pop radio hit.

I love all kinds of food, with only a few on a list of things I will not eat. I love the sunshine in summer and the snow in winter. I love the smell of spring and the colors of fall. I love black and white, with an adoration for colors. I'll shop at West 49, D-Tox and Stitches all in the same day. I can appreciate fine arts like those of Leonardo DiVinci and Amadeus Mozart just as I can appreciate the technical qualities of Alex Grey's artwork and Silverstein's latest single.

I'm full of great ideas and horrible ideas that never take form, and a couple that do make it to existence. I'll take on a school project in a creative form or a traditional one. I love to sing, cook, draw, act, and I find martial arts endlessly interesting. I love art. I love... lots of things. There aren't a huge number of things I abhor, and those things are almost always qualities in people. I really easy to please lately. I think maybe that's why I'm so much happier...

I guess I bounced back from my pit-of-despair-type-thing. Just a thought. <3

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Days without Kelsey: 9
Music: Walk (covered) - Avenged Sevenfold, original by Pantera.

FML.

So.

I'm smack dab in the middle of March break, and what have I done? Almost nothing. Ryan's gone to Halifax now, and he's coming back on Thursday. Kelsey's not here still, obviously. I feel useless. I feel lazy. I kinda feel pissed off, actually. I just wanna feel USEFUL. If there's one thing I can't stand it's not being useful. I slept in until 2PM today to boot, because I stayed up until 2:30AM last night finishing an anime series I was watching online. I'M JUST SCREAMING 'PATHETIC', HERE.

Guhh. I need out of this house, I need the company of other teenagers... we are pack animals, you know. Me and my family are going out for supper tonight, so I guess that'll be nice. I hope I'm in a better mood by then. I'm feeling the effects of being over tired, when really, I just slept TOO much, which is usually worse for me. I'm easily frustrated and I've been on a hair trigger all day. I feel mad but I don't know why I am. Fuck, I'd better feel better tomorrow, or someone in this household is going to lose their head (probably my dad or younger sister).

To boot, my cell phone is permanently last, I think. I haven't found it. I'm rather upset... I mean, I've racked up a bunch of "MyRewards Credits" so i have 100 dollars towards buying a new phone already... but I liked my Slyde. It was my baby sand I lost it. But I feel so naked without a cell phone. It sucks. I think me and my mom are going to get me a new cell phone sometime in the coming days.

I know this entire post has just been me complaining, but I don't have anything else to say. I'm sorry.

Yours angrily,

- Lexi

Days without Kelsey: 6
Music: I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy

They say the Devil's water, it ain't so sweet...

G'day.

So today, we didn't have school due to "inclement weather conditions" which doesn't make much sense, seeing as there is no precipitation currently falling in my area... though it does call later for some flurries and rain. Good news is, I missed the Friday before March break! Hooray(WTF? "hooray" is recognized by spell check as a real word and "yay" isn't?) for prolonged vacations!

So yesterday was out first day at school without Kelsey. I sat with Brett and Ryan as usual... but it was kind of awkward and quiet the whole time. I mean, me and Kelsey usually do most of the talking... and it's usually talk between us, so it was rather quiet. I mean, it was nice just hangin' out with the guys and everything, and I love them to death... but the essence Kelsey brought to the table was certainly missed. This is going to be more difficult that I first anticipated...

But anyway, I don't have any plans for March Break, which sucks royally... okay, well that's not true. I do have one. I plan on driving to Freddy sometime near the end of the break to get a pair of cowboy boots at the tack shop there. It's a birthday present from my grandmother (even though my birthday is in June) and my sister is getting a pair, too. So that's kinda exciting... I've wanted a real pair of cowboy boots since I was just a very little girl. When grandmas told me I was going to be getting a pair... I was ecstatic. I was so excited it was just stupid. Guess it's the kid left in me. :)

But see, other than that, I have no plans for the whole nine days I have off (Yes, I count it as nine because there's a weekend on either side.) Ryan's going to be busy at least half the time with family stuff, Kelsey's in Costa Rica... that's half of my best friends gone. Oh well. I guess I'll keep myself busy somehow. The time always flies by anyway. Expect the next post over the break.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Days without Kelsey: 2
Music: When You Were Young - The Killers (another old fave of mine.)

Heads we will, and tails we'll try again.

Hola.

It's currently hovering just around midnight over here on the East coast. I must say I am rather fatigued... but I just felt the need to write something before I went to bed... so blog, I turn to you.

I know I haven't updated much lately. It's not that nothing has been happening, hell, tones has been happening, I just never get around to writing about it I guess. I have to come up with the clever wording in my head usually, before I post. I'm strange, I am aware.

So, today was my last day seeing Kelsey until April. Why, you may ask? Well, she's leaving tomorrow for the several day journey by call to Philadelphia, where she will take a plane on March first to Costa Rica. She and her grandparents, with whom she lives, are gonna be staying there for exactly a month, from the first to thirty-first. Our circle of friends will miss her dearly I know, and I'll probably feel a bit lost without her as I always do. We're really the best of friends; we know next to everything about each other. But I want her to have enough fun for me too, so I've been trying not to make her think about the fact that she's really leaving.

In any case, we all bid our farewells to her today. It was rather sad... but it'll be just fine. When she returns, we will welcome her with open arms and many a "OMG KELSEY'S BACK!!", among other yelling. Have fun Kelsey! We love you. <3

On a different note, I believe that StumbleUpon is bad for my health. What is StumbleUpon? Well, it's this nifty little website where you can create an account and check all these little boxes with subject next to them that interest you (science, fashion, health, desks, etc.) and then when you hit the "Stumble" button, it will take you to a seemingly random web page that has something to do with one or more the the topics you listed. It's really a nifty thing... but it's addictive. One particular night last night, I stayed up past midnight playing Space Invaders. I hear them in my head, man... just getting faster and faster and faster and... well you get it. Anyway, it's really kinda cool and if you wanna check it out, Ale has been awesome enough to provide you with a direct link to the website. Have fun stumbling, but make sure to keep your eye on the clock. Heh heh.

Anyway, this has been good. To be honest, I always think "oh, I don't want to write in my blog tonight, I'll do it later" but whenever I do, I find myself not regretting it but being glad that I posted. Ahh, well, goodnight bloggy-land.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: Why Don't You And I - Santana and Chad Kroeger (really cute song. <3)

And I guess I never told you, I'm so happy that you're mine~

Greetings.

Sorry, I know I said I'd post some sort of rant before V-day, but I just never got around to it I guess. Sorry, readers(all two and a half of you).

In any case, Valentine's day with Ryan was great. We had to go out of town for the finals round in his most recent hockey tournament. I got to see my boyfriend and his team win their championship!! It was an amazing game, but a close one. They won in a shootout... but barely. Who knew I'd be a hockey nut, huh? Hehe. Go Blues!!

After that, we went to his house where we just kind of hung around for a while, and I had supper with his family, which was delicious. I had some of the best mashed potatoes ever there, not even kidding, and they're my favorite. That is high potato praise, my friend. It's a total bonus that Ryan's mom is a good cook.

Moving on to other things, it appears I have temporarily misplaced my cellular device... in other words, I lost my cell phone. I miss it terribly and I have no idea where it is. I've turned my locker inside out, looked all over my room and searched the house all to no avail. I am a bit disheartened by this, blog. I desperately hope that by the next time I post, I will have found it. Wish me luck. :(

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: You Are Always On My Mind - The Pet SHop Boys (omg!! found a CD my dad made for me when I was about 8 years old with a bunch of old music on it! I can't begin to tell you the nostalgia I feel right now.)

Maybe he needed to be wanted...

Hello, my dear and loyal blog.

I must say, my little perfect life wave must be coming to an end. Not so much a graceful one, either... and by that, I mean shortly after my last post I managed to fall on my left hand and re-sprain my wrist. Yeah, I suck, I know. I'm stuck with this brace on for God knows how long, and I had my riding lesson this morning without it, which was horrible because it hurt like a bitch. Guhh. I'm not doing so hot these days.

Speaking of hot, it's still close to -25 or -30 everyday now. I'm desperately hoping for a warmer February, because January's weather was just plain weird. It was uber cold one day, then -12 the next. In January, on the east coast... damn you, global warming! You're making all the Canadians come out of hibernation early, then freezing them to death! (I've seriously considered hibernating for the winter before. Then I realized I physically can't do that. )

Summer, please, PLEASE be on your way. We need to thaw out a bit. Lately, I've been daydreaming of laying down in the sand by Parlee Beach with my friends, absorbing as much heat as possible in a bathing suit... swimming everyday, biking everywhere, and best of all being able to ride in a t-shirt rather than three layers of clothing. Oh dear sunshine, how I miss thee.

Just a couple more months now until June. I'll be turning 15... all my friends will be fifteen by summer time. Sarah's birthday just passed, and all of Brett's, Ryan's, Kelsey's and my birthdays are within 20 days of each other. We're all Geminis, it's damn peculiar really. Goddamn, this is gonna be one amazing summer. And this time around, I have nothing to fear related to my loved one leaving for Nova Scotia at the end of the season. Ryan isn't going anywhere and I gotta say, I don't think I'd appreciate him as much if last summer had been different. Now a few shoutouts to the people I love, just cause' I'm in a good mood.

Ryan, I love you so much. You take such good care of me and you're amazing. <3
Sarah, you're a beautiful individual and I am infinitely proud of you. <3
Kelsey, you're the best wife ever. Nuff' said. <3
Brett, you are my best friend and someone I could never live without. I hope I never lose you. <3
Taryn, you are inspiring and positive... and a good friend. <3

And I think that's it. I'm going to go take a shower now and try to get some of this horse smell off of me before Ryan calls. I'll post again before V-day, probably with some long rant... stay tuned!

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: Bully by Three Days Grace

"One day, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching."

Good day... evening... or whatever time of day you happen to be reading this. For me it's about 12:30AM, so I don't really know what to say.

So tonight while I, my aunt Kelli, and my two parents were watching Idol, there seemed to be a recurring theme: jobs. This is probably because Kelli is looking for one, and I want one. This made for a few funny jokes and guess what, blog? You get to hear them! (Mostly because I wanna write them down somewhere...)

Well, Kelli was saying how she'd applied for a job at a casino and a gas station. She said she was just getting desperate because of the gas station, and working at a casino, she said, would "benefit the fall of mankind". My mother pointed out that when you think about it, all jobs could be thought of this way. This is true, I figure... but I do struggle to understand how my seventh grade job delivering newspapers will somehow benefit the fall of mankind.

In any case, later Kelli mentioned a link she had sent to my mother about a possible job for me. It was working at a nursing home or something, but my parents said I couldn't get it because it would mean them driving me across town every day. But my mother said "There are plenty of jobs here, KFC is hiring." And I heard Kelli's words echo in my head "benefit the fall of mankind...". I made a face, but I am picking up an application sometime soon. Fail.

Anyway, it's late now and I have my LAST OF THREE EXAMS tomorrow morning, WOOT! I have French to write tomorrow and then I'm going skating with Ryan and his family. I'm really excited, he's going to teach me how to skate... yes, I do realize that I am basically a false Canadian because I can't skate. Ryan is going to teach me. I'll let you all know how it goes.

P.S.: Science exams are hard.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: Fifteen by Taylor Swift

I give blood just to prove to myself that I can matter to somebody else...

I'm trying to stay positive, blog, I really am.

But, today I had the first parts of this huge ass English test that I have to pass in order to get my high school diploma. I'm not really worried about it, I mean, I can read and write English very ably, but everyone else seems so stressed out. And next week is exams, too, which I have three of. After exams I get a week off though. Yay!

But in the meantime, it's total crunch time. Everyone's rushing to get projects and marks in for report cards in a week or so, and it's reviews, reviews, reviews up the wazoo! I have a seemingly INFINITE amount of math and science revisions I've been working on all week, and it's just... so... much... work. None of it is hard, it's just time consuming. And annoying.

I'm sure I speak for my entire high school when I say I cannot WAIT until exams are over. We'll have our turnaround days and a nice long weekend, everyone can just chill out, and we can go back to school and start our new courses for second semester.

Here's hoping I make it alive.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: Savior - Rise Against

Hook me up a new revolution, cause this one is a lie

Just a short little update on this Monday evening, because it's kind of late and I want to go to bed really.

I came home from school again today with a migraine. Goddamn, these things have been really getting me down lately. I was put out of commission for part of the day that I'm usually productive, and the rest of it has been just sluggish and kinda awful. Grr this sucks, I hope they go away soon. It used to be once a month, now I get them every other day it seems. Grr. @_@

On a different note, I've decided to keep a tally of a few different things this year, like how many bandannas I bought, how many songs I downloaded, how many Tetriminos locked down... and how many times I've lost the game. We're, what, only two and a half weeks into 2010 right? I've already lost the game 107 times. I shit you not. Not 50, not even 75, but a hundred and fucking seven. Like really. I need to get my priorities straight. Losing the game should not be taking up so much of my life.

Oh, also, I celebrated one month with Ryan yesterday. I'm so much happier with him it's amazing. I hadn't realized what it was like to have support and love like this all the time... I don't know how I went so long without it before, weeks at a time. I hope Derrick can understand someday that what I did was just because I wanted to be happy... that's not a crime. I don't feel guilty for being happy anymore. I'm enjoying life so much right now. Everything is just... good. I'm not bored, Ryan brought so much spice and energy into my life. I'm not exhausted, I'm healthy for the most part. I've got my loved ones, my health, and I've got happiness. Let's hope I can ride this little wave for a while before something happens and I'm in the doghouse again. Gotta make the most of this while I can.
Life is good now, blog.

Yours truly, without a single regret,

- Lexi

Music: Learn to Fly - Foo Fighters (Haven't heard this song in ages... I forgot how it put me in such a good mood.)

And just past your lips, there's more anger than laughter...

Ohai dere.

So I'm not feeling so hot today. Stayed up wayyyy too late last night doing a science project (which did get finished, FINALLY) and this headache is telling me I'm suffering from sleep withdrawal... I need a cat nap.

But anyway, I didn't post just to complain. The other day, someone did something very nice for me and I thought I should write it here so that in however many years when I read this again (assuming the internet still exists) I'll remember, because I think it's important when people do nice things for me to remember them for it.

Well anyway, about this lovely event. It was very cold outside and I was, once again, very tired(I think it's just part of the teenage condition). We didn't want to walk to the local Tim Horton's for lunch because it was so cold, but an acquaintance of mine, Taryn, was. Now, Taryn doesn't seem to really mesh well with my circle of friends. She is... well... a tad on the annoying side, but she's lovable to be honest. Well, she offered to bring me back a coffee! It's a fairly long walk from Tim's back to our high school, so I though that was a really sweet thing of her to do. She didn't have to walk all the way back carrying my coffee, she didn't have to offer at all. But she did, and she brought back my double-double and nearly saved my life I think. I was very thankful, and it was an awesome thing of her to do.

So that was possibly the highlight of my week. I just love when other people do nice things like that, it gives me hope for humanity.

In other news, I look forward to my riding lesson tomorrow morning, so here's to hoping its not too cold. This weekend I may find myself to be a bit lonely, seeing as Kelsey will be with her grandparents away from R'view, and Ryan is out in Saint John for a tournament. He won't be back until late Sunday, but Kelsey might be back early Sunday so I may get to see her. I hope Ryan does well at his tournament, and he has a good time. Go Blues!

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: The Hard Way - Fort Minor

I was born to tell you I love you... isn't that a song already? I get a B in originality...

So, back to school this week.

I missed school. No, really, I did. I missed having a specific reason to get up in the morning, and follow a morning routine. I had no motivation to do so really, when school wasn't in. I'm kept busy for most of the day, which means it keeps em off this damn computer. Its sucking the life out of me, I'm afraid. I spend way, WAY too much time here. I need to be more active... my shoulders hurt from being hunched over this desk and I'm staying up way too late doing... basically nothing. Less computer = healthier Lexi. This is what we want. I did resolve to be generally healthier this year, after all. Still working on that gym membership..

Ugh. I really hope I make myself do this. I need it. Obesity runs in my family, and there is no way I ever want to be that way... I'm at least minorly lipophobic (fear of fat). I... I just can't let that happen to me. No way.

Okay, moving on to a happier note now, I'm going to a concert tomorrow! oh hell yes, that's right. Its one of the many local metal shows are that held in my area every year. They're awesome. A bunch of local bands play and I CAN'T WAIT for tomorrow night. Its called Metal New Year. Two of my favorite local bands are going be playing. <3 And what's even better, is that I'm going with Kelsey, Brett and Ryan. All but one of my favorite people. It's gonna be so awesome, I'm so excited its kind of silly. I love the music, I love the people, I love moshing, and I love metal shows. Hehehe. <3

ONLY 22 HOURS UNTIL METAL NEW YEAR.
HOOOOOOOOLY SHIT I'M SO EXCITED.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: Life Starts Now by Three Days Grace (the whole new album is good, I listened to it online last night.)

Resolutions, anyone?

So last night was New years Eve, which I spent with Sarah, Frankie and Ryan. What a night, it was so much fun. <3

-MY RESOLUTIONS FOR 2O1O-
- Eat healthier (more fruits and veggies, less cheese.)
- Have a flat stomach by summer time (obtain this goal by getting a gym membership at RHS.)
- Obtain another piercing or two?
- Participate in the Frye Festival this year
- Get a first job
- Mend my relationship with Derrick Never think about Derrick again, for the sake of my sanity.
- Remember those three things you were always told to avoid... and AVOID THEM, DAMNIT.
- And last but not least, have fun. I'm in high school now. Time to do all the crazy shit I can.

I'd say that's a good enough list. I've got a lot of work to do.
To anyone who reads this, leave me a comment with your resolutions for this new year.

Yours truly,

- Lexi

Music: Tik Tok - Kesha (I can't help it, man. That song is so damn catchy.)