Just a thought... is love simply finding a person who will put your peices back together when you're falling apart?
Today was nice. I chilled with Matt, Kelsey, Zach and Brad at Zach;s house for the entire afternoon, but came home to a hard pill to swallow. No, no one died. I just talked with Ryan tonight is all. Turns out there was a lot he wasn't telling me... and I don't blame him for not wanting to tell me. It wasn't his fault, but I realize now that he didn't leave me just because his feelings had faded, but because he was scared and very unsure. He did it to protect me...
And so you know what I did, blog? I did a very stupid, impulsive, old Alex type thing to do. I swore I'd help him. Ugh. Why do I do this to myself? I don't know. He was reluctant but I convinced him (Yes, you read that right) that maybe I could help him, despite him thinking no one can. I am such an idiot. I may just end up hurting us both again worse... but I have to try. I have to because it's in my nature and because if nothing else, I know I can help people. I've done it before and I will continue to do it for the rest of my life...
I don't know why, but I just always seem to attract broken people. Do I just give off this vibe that says "Hey! I give a fuck about your problems! Spill your guts to me!" or what? People are constantly telling me about the tragedies of their lives and giving their sad renditions of their life stories, and ending them with "Wow, I've never been so open/ told anyone that ever before." Like, really. My talent for reading people will, of course, help me in life... unless this just drags me down into depression with everyone else's problems. When did the world seem to fall on my shoulders?...
...okay, so that's pretty dramatic. But I am upset. Bare with me, here.
Yours truly,
- Lexi
Music: The Oracle by Godsmack
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