No update in a month, I'm sorry. Not that anyone really cares.
Life has been pretty good lately. I actually saw Derrick... two weekends ago? My head is still attached to my shoulders, literally and metaphorically. It was a bit of a miracle... conversation was scarce between us, but it was existent, and I even got a chuckle out of him once or twice. He seems just the same as he did when I first met him, just... I didn't see him quite the same way as I did before. It was somehow like I was meeting him again for the first time, even though I knew him. But I guess I don't anymore, so that makes sense. I'm talking myself in circles here, so I'll stop.
School is the same as usual I guess. I just got my report card and managed to bring my average up to a 90%. This was a feat for me; I was rather happy with myself for a while... until I found out that most of my friends managed to have that average too. For some reason, this made my accomplishment seem smaller with every person who got an average not even higher than mine, just the same... it was one, and I was proud, then two and then three... and I felt like what made me special was gone. I was always the smart kid growing up, and as I found my friends were just as academically adept as I was, it made me feel small and like my trait wasn't unique. Even though I realize that it's a really stuck up way to feel... I just can't shake this feeling of disappointment and failure.
It didn't help that neither of my parents expressed any praise for my, in my opinion, excellent marks... they just shrugged it off. But when my siblings get report cards, oh! How exciting! Jillian did SO well (again) and far better than I ever did at that age. Noah and Zachary have slightly above-average marks and that's great. But me? Oh. Alex got a report card. Woohoo. Sign here and it's done. I kinda feel unaccomplished...
Sorry for the complaining. I just needed to get that out I guess.
Yours truly,
- Lexi
Music: Comatose by Skillet
