Ahh, hello there Blogger. So sorry I haven't been around lately!
I've been out almost everyday, doing whatever with the guys... walking, watching movies, swimming and going to Magic Mountain, and being general teenagers. Everything seemed great until two nights ago, Monday night, when Derrick told me something I never wanted to hear. He's not staying, after summer is over... he had said he might be.
I won't lie, I feel heartbroken and devastated. I wanted him to stay, and go to RHS with me SO bad... and, now, that hope is just gone. My heart kind of stopped that night, and it's gonna take a while before it starts beating again. Meanwhile, things between Derrick and I are really rough. It's because I can't help but act so cold to him, after he told me he wasn't staying. I wanted that more than anything, right now. And, when I'm hurt like this, this is what I do... I curl up in a ball kind of, and just vent resentfulness to whoever did this to me. I know it's not Derrick's fault, he really did have to go back, to his brother and his family... but that doesn't change how upset I was, and still am. I cried non-stop that night... but then I talked to Daniel.
Daniel, Derrick's brother, told me that I had to try to be happy for Derrick. He said that he doesn't want to see me hurt, and that it was the hardest thing Derrick had ever done. So, I'm going to try to appreciate that, and put my own sour feelings behind me. I don't know how exactly I'm going to do that... but I have to try. It might be a little easier because Derrick isn't around right now. He's in Truro for his brother's birthday, which is today.
I really, really hope we can get through this. I don't want to lose him. And I think... no, I know, that we can get through another year. We will see our anniversary, and then our second. I love him, and that's all I need.
Yours truly,
- Lexi
Music: So Far by ChapterFour (Local band. YouTube it.)
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